


Dean and Crowley Bonding Time

by DownInTheGutter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bonding, Crack, Demon Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Mark of Cain Dean, Post season 9 finale, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1666631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownInTheGutter/pseuds/DownInTheGutter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 9 finale.<br/>Crowley and Dean are best friends. Well, that’s what Crowley keeps on saying.<br/>Apart from hanging out, bonding and discussing the Winchesters' sex life, they also have to deal with some less pleasant consequences of Dean becoming a demon and a pissy Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me.
> 
> I love the idea of demon!Dean being best pals with Crowley, so I can't wait to see how it plays out in season 10.  
> This is pretty lighthearted.

‘So, how is Moose taking it?’

‘Well, you’ve seen how he was at the very beginning…’

‘You mean the screaming, crying and general hysterics?’ Crowley took his eyes off a stripper on stage and looked at Dean with a smirk.

‘Yeah. He was like that for a couple of days. But after that, surprisingly well. Well, most of the time.’ Dean took a long swallow of his whiskey and seemed to be mulling over something.

‘But? Come on, spill it.’

‘But he’s, uh, he’s got a problem with the black eyes. I can’t really control it when I get turned on if we, you know, start something, and then he, uhm…’ Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth ‘He says he doesn’t want to anymore cause it breaks the mood or something, when he sees them.’

‘Does he also say he’s got a headache? ’

‘Shut up, Crowley.’

‘You should take a break, Dean my man. How about Candice over there?’ He pointed to one of the strippers that passed by the booth they were sitting in.

‘Nah.’

‘How about me?’

‘Thanks, but no thanks, Crowley.’

‘You’re hurting my feelings.’

‘Let’s go somewhere else. This is a shitty place anyway.’

‘Where? To that sleezy bar that had ‘Texas Funeral’ playing three times in an hour? I’ll pass.’

‘You’re only saying that cause I beat you at pool.’

‘I am not.’

‘Yeah, you are.’

‘Fine. We’ll go there as long as I get to hear the spicy details about you and Sam.’

‘You’re a pervert. Okay. Deal.’

***

‘If I hear another song along the lines of ‘My wife took the house and shot my dog’ I swear I’ll kill everyone in this bar.’

Dean twirled the pool cue ‘You break.’

‘So.’ Crowley said while lining up to take the shot. ‘Does Sam ever wear lace?’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Crowley go to Ireland and make a bet.

‘Where are we?’

‘In Ireland.’

‘Care to share your plan?’

‘We’re going to a pub, Dean my man.’

‘We came to Ireland just to drink?’

‘Why else would you come to Ireland? Let's go, chop, chop.’

They left the alley Crowley zapped them into and quickly got to the door of a pub around the corner.

Dean went up the bar and smiled charmingly ‘I want Guiness.’

‘No, you don’t. Smithwick’s, twice.’

‘Hey!’

‘Dean, my dear friend, are you seriously going to order the one Irish beer that you can get back home when you’re actually in Ireland?’

‘…fine.’

They grabbed the bottles and took a table in the corner of a room.

‘So how’s your childhood sweetheart?’

‘You do know we didn’t have sex when we were kids, right?’

‘No, I did not know that. So, when did you start?’ Crowley leaned forward, curiosity dripping from his voice.

‘Fuck off, Crowley.’

‘It’s okay, we’ll talk about it some other time.’

Crowley took a sip of his beer and sprawled back comfortably.

‘So how have _you_ been feeling?’

‘I still really, really want to kill.’

‘That’s great news.’

‘You’re included.’

‘Less great news.’

‘But I’m not that bloodthirsty now that I know that, well, Sam didn’t actually want me dead.’

‘How sweet. I’m so happy for you, Dean. The dream team back together at last.’

‘And how are _you_ doing?’

‘Grand. Everything’s great. We should take a trip to Hell sometime, you’d love my jacuzzi.’

‘I’m not really keen on coming back, considering, you know. My experiences. But I gotta say, Crowley, this beer is pretty good.’

‘Well _of course_ it’s good. Anyway, how is our lovey-dovey couple doing?’

‘Can’t we just sit in silence for five fucking minutes?’

‘I know you want to talk about it. Come on, Dean, don’t be shy.’

Dean glared at him before shaking his head ‘I can’t believe I’m discussing stuff like that with you.’

‘Who else would you go to?’ Crowley’s grin was both friendly and shark-like.

Dean started peeling the label off his bottle. ‘You know, I think Sam got used to the black eyes, but he’s still kind of… I don’t know, pissed at me? When I lose control and stuff. He either avoids me or wants to _talk about our problems_. Our only enjoyable time together is when we bang.’

‘You know you always got me, right? To talk to about relationship problems. Or wanting to go on a killing spree problems. You know, just between us girls.’

‘Listen Crowley, I appreciate it, I really do, but I think we don’t really have to spend every day together, you know?’

‘I thought you liked our very masculine, strictly heterosexual bonding time. Isn’t that what you’ve been doing your whole life? When you weren’t too busy doing the nasty with your…’

‘Christ, do you ever shut up?’

‘Fine. I’ll shut up.’

The silence lasted for about thirty seconds.

‘Does it mean I can’t be your mistress anymore?’

‘Jesus fucking Christ. You were never my mistress, Crowley.’

‘Yeah, but Sam doesn’t know that. I bet he’s jealous.’

‘Sam jealous? Of you? I’m sorry, Crowley’ Dean chuckled ‘but you’re flattering yourself.’

‘I know he’s jealous. Want to bet? If I win, I’ll get to choose a place we go to on Saturday and you don’t get to say no.’

Dean was regarding him for a moment. ‘If I win, you’ll do my chores around the bunker for a month.’

‘For a week.’

‘You’re on.’

***

‘Dean?’ Sam came up to him and hesitantly laid a hand on his shoulder.

Dean turned around and leered at Sam ‘Well, hello to you.’

‘Dean, listen, we need to talk.’

‘Okay then, I’m out.’

‘Where are you going? You haven’t spent an evening here in forever.’

‘Out. Since I’m not gonna get any entertainment here’

‘Dean…’

‘Your wife pestering you again?’

Sam turned around to look at the figure that appeared suddenly behind his back ‘Crowley.’ He did look pissed, Dean noticed. Huh.

‘Hey, Moosey. Dean, you ready?’

‘Dean, where are you going?’

Dean just stepped around him.

‘Don’t wait up, babe.’

Crowley let Dean go first and then turned around to wink at Sam.

***

‘Not being hungry kinda sucks.’ Dean said, dragging a fry around the plate with a forlorn expression on his face.

‘You still get to enjoy the taste of food, you know. All the finer things in life, really. Without the negative side, like gaining weight. Or dying from cirrhosis.’

‘Yeah, I know, but it’s not the same without being hungry.’ Dean looked downright sad. ‘And I can’t really get drunk anymore.’

‘You should try human blood. Hell of a kick.’

‘Not a fucking junkie, Crowley.’

‘Pardon me, I forgot. You’re just an alcoholic. My bad.’

‘I heard that the whole administrative side of Hell is not really in that great of a shape.’

‘ _I don’t. Want. To talk about it_. Check, please!’

***

‘Okay, I feel kinda uncomfortable being in the bathroom with you. No offence. Okay, yes offence.’

‘We need to make you look dishevelled. Muss up your hair…’

‘Jesus, Crowley, lookey, but no touchey, ok?’

‘…and you should take off that terrible plaid of yours and turn it inside out. You know, with the stiches on the top.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I get it.’

***

‘So, how did Sam react to our little play?’

Dean was pretending not to notice him.

‘Well? I’m waiting.’

‘…he jumped me as soon as I got back to the bunker.’

‘Told you he was jealous.’

‘Stop looking so smug. How do you know he doesn’t always jump me when I get back?’

‘I know all of your relationship secrets. Okay, not all of them. I want to know more, by the… okay, nevermind. You don’t have to look so menacing. It makes me uncomfortable. And it’s kinda arous…’ Crowley barely dodged the punch Dean threw at him and moved back a couple of steps.

‘Easy there, you killing machine you.’

Dean was stalking towards him with deadly intent.

‘I’ll… I’ll just come back when you calm down.’

***

‘Since you lost the bet, we do what I want to do.’

‘…Fine.’

‘We’re going to an Abba reunion concert.’

‘What?!’

Crowley waved two tickets in front of his face.

‘You do remember that I still got the First Blade and that I am a skilled torturer, right?’

‘Come on, partner, don’t be like that. You lost, fair and square.’

***

_Money, money, money, must be funny, in a rich man’s world_

‘I’m going to kill you slowly and painfully.’ Dean leaned in to growl into Crowley’s ear over the loud music.

‘I know you won’t. We’re besties, remember?’

‘…slowly and painfully.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is invited to dinner at the bunker.  
> Sam and Crowley have a chat.  
> Well, more of an argument.

‘Dean, honey, you can stop now.’

Sam was speaking softly to Dean, who was stabbing his steak repeatedly with a blunt-ended knife and baring his teeth.

‘Dean, just let go. Let go. Go on. Let go.’

‘Stop talking to him like he’s some kind of a dog.’

‘Shut up, Crowley, this is all your fault.’

‘C’mon Dean, let go.’ Sam tried to pry the knife out of Dean’s hand. Dean snapped his jaws at him and tried to go back to stabbing.

‘Dean, come on, let go.’ He finally managed to wrench the knife away and Dean got this vacant expression on his face as he stared at his now ruined steak.

Dean’s eyes went black before he snarled at Sam and stomped out of the room.

Sam sighed ‘He gets really difficult sometimes.’

Crowley was staring at him for a moment.

‘What is with you and suddenly caring about him?’ He was looking at Sam in a definitely unfriendly way. ’From what Dean told me when we were having our wacky adventures before his untimely demise and timely return, you couldn’t care less about him.’

‘What goes on between us is none of your business.’

‘On the contrary, Moose, Dean and I are besties now in case you haven’t noticed, so…’

Sam laughed dryly ‘You don’t really think you’re actually friends, right? Cas is his friend. You’re a fucking demon. Just because for some reason he seems to want to hang out with you…’

‘I was there for Dean when you weren’t!’ Crowley seemed genuinely offended. ‘And your brother is a demon now too, Sam. And we get along just great.’

They were sitting in awkward silence for a few moments.

‘Should we go and look for him?’

‘Yeah.’

***

‘I don’t like you taking Dean to strip clubs.’ They were standing in the bunker’s kitchen. Sam was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest and a pissy look on his face. Dean was in his room sharpening knives. He said it calms him down.

‘He needs to unwind sometimes. You know, it’s not that easy getting used to extreme bloodlust.’

‘He can unwind _with me_.’

‘Missionary once a month so he doesn’t go looking somewhere else? I’m sure that’s going to cut it.’

‘Not that it’s any of your business, Crowley, but our sex life is great, thank you very much.’

‘Oh, really?

Sam set his jaw and stared at him.

‘You know, Moose, I’m not entirely convinced…’

‘I’m not telling you about our sex life.’

‘That’s fine. I’m sure there’s not much to talk about anyway.’

‘Okay, Jesus. I have no idea why am I doing this’ Sam took a deep breath. ‘First of all, you need to know that I’m not complaining about what we had before, but I have to admit there’s been some… changes since he took on the mark.’

‘Such as?’

‘He can pick me up and fuck me against the wall.’

‘I’m listening.’

‘And there’s quite a lot of… biting, manhandling and hairpullling involved. Lots of manhandling, especially. It’s really hot. Like, really, really hot.’ Sam cleared his throat. ‘He goes into this caveman mode. I never thought being dragged by the hair to the bedroom would be my kind of thing, but, yeah.’

‘Alright, Moosey, but you never mentioned how this applies to the whole being a demon deal.’

‘Okay, to be honest, the black eyes are a huge turn off. And it took me a long time to be able to just look at him like that without cringing.’

‘I knew you’re not actually…’

‘…but then there are the demon powers, so he can hold me down without tying me to bed.’

‘I see.’

‘So, uhm, yeah. I guess this whole thing does have some advantages.’


End file.
